- Random questions : $250 per hour (min 15 mins)
- Translations for people I dunno : $10 per word
- PTTFAAS single pack: $1000 plus court costs
- PTTFAAS double pack: $1800 plus court costs
- Anyone who says Te Reo Māori is not a priority : 2 Free patu to the face
- “But you’re a good Māori” : $250 (automatic fee)
- “Outspoken” : $500 mandatory fee, plus a written apology